Grandfather raped me: Never met father, mother did 3 marriages; Grandma says, take back the daughter’s case

I don’t have any of my own. My father threw me and my mother out of the house because I was born a daughter. Then I had not even celebrated my first birthday. Mother remarried. I considered her husband as my father, but his father raped me. I was just 12 years old then.

Mother got married for the third time, but I could not accept her husband as my father. I am in 12th now. Rape Victim Center is my home for 6 years.

I am Tanisha Born in Bahraich, Uttar Pradesh. Papa wanted a son. Because of this, as soon as I was born, they started torturing my mother. There was a fight between the two. One night he threw the mother out of the house. After this mother took me to Lucknow and started living in an ashram. At that time I was 5-6 months old.

After this, the mother married another person. I considered the same person as my father because I saw him as my father since childhood. When I was three years old, I had a brother. Then two years later a sister was born. I was the eldest among siblings. Used to take care of everyone.

Papa used to stay out of the house throughout the day and used come home late in the evening. It went on like this for some years. When I turned 10, my mother asked my father to enrol him in school. Papa got angry because of this. He clearly told his mother that he had no money.

There was a fight between the parents regarding this matter. In anger, my mother sold my father’s cycle and got me admitted to a school. After this, the mother told the father that she would do a job and educate her daughter. He also found work at a construction site. This led to more quarrels between the father and mother. Papa used to say that no woman in our house has gone out to work. You to stay at home.

At the construction site where mother used to work, her closeness with a man started increasing. Mother used to remain troubled in the same way at home. He did not get along with his father. One day mother said let’s go to an uncle’s house. I went with my mother, and the rest of the brothers and sisters remained there.

The man used to talk to me nicely and also took care of me. Mother used to say that he is your father, but I used to say that my father is someone else, how can I accept him as my father? Mother explained a lot to me, and threatened me, but I could not call that man father. I clearly told my mother that you will change your husband, but I will not change my father.

On this, the man started quarrelling with the mother that if this girl does not call me father, then I will throw you both out of the house.

After two months, mother again returned to my brother and sister’s house. As soon as he came, he had a conversation with his father. Grandparents said don’t let this woman come in the house, she will run away again. Somehow father kept mother, but he used to ask me again and again were were both of you. In whose house did your mother live? Mother forbade me to tell anything.

Now I am starting to understand things. I had come to know that this father is a stepfather. My siblings are also step-brothers. Nothing is known about who and where the real father is. No one told at all. The mother just told that she did not want a daughter. That’s why we parted ways.

One day I told everything to my father very truthfully, because I felt that my mother was the culprit. If she had lived properly, she would not have had to wander here and there. After this, father threw mother out of the house. The mother again went to the same man. I neither went with my mother nor did my mother consider it necessary to take me along.

After a few days, father remarried. Abandoned me and my step-siblings and went to live in another city. I started living with my grandparents along with my siblings.

There an NGO used to work for the children in the colony. The sister working there got me admitted to a school. I started going to that school to study. In this way, time started passing day by day. Now I was 12 years old.

It is a matter of 2015. Grandma had gone to a relative’s place for a few days. There was a wedding. All three of us brothers and sisters and grandfather were at home. There was only one room in our house, in which everyone slept.

One night in my sleep I realized that someone was forcing me. When I woke up shocked, I saw that Dada was on my bed. As soon as I wanted to speak, he choked my mouth with his hand. When I tried my best to get rid of him, he hit me with the bat lying nearby. I got scared and started trembling.

I was lost in the morning. Brothers and sisters started asking what happened, but she could not say anything due to fear. The next day grandfather did the same thing at night. When I protested, I was beaten a lot. After this, it became his daily work. He also started raping me. He would rape me whenever he got a chance or when no one was at home.

I didn’t speak anything to anyone in the house, nor did I share all this with anyone. In a way, she had gone into depression. Brothers and sisters used to tell grandfather that something had happened to Didi. Get it treated. On this, grandfather started saying that he has no disease, but a ghost has entered his body. That’s why she is doing such things.

After that he made me drop out of school. Banned from going anywhere from home. After a few days, the sister who got me admission to the school came home. She came home and started asking why are you not coming to school, and what happened. Dada got angry about this.

He called Didi good and bad and made her run away from the house. Didi had probably understood that everything was not right. While leaving, he said that if there is any problem, then definitely tell me.

Slowly I started hating myself. One day I told everything to Dadi. I thought that Dadi would help me, but instead, she lashed out at me. She started saying that you have trapped my man. You are the one to blame.

Grandfather came to me one night. I could not sleep. As soon as he came to my bed, I immediately jumped out of bed and switched on the light in the room. Dada was without clothes. Grandma also got up and sat down. Seeing Dada in this condition, he called Dada a lot of good and bad in front of me.

Well, it didn’t matter to Dada. From that day onwards, he used to force himself on me even in front of my grandmother. Grandma was also unable to say anything to anyone due to fear and local problems.

One night Dada forgot to lock the door of the main gate. I thought this is the right time to get out of there. I ran away at night and went to the NGO which got me admission to the school. I told everything to Didi there.

After that didi took me to the child helpline. There may statement recorded. Dada was called there and he was interrogated. There they started saying that this girl used to tell me to do this and that with me, I have no fault.

After this, my medical test was done and Dada was arrested by the police. After this, he was also sent to jail. Right now the Uttar Pradesh government is looking into my case.

Since I was a minor then. So I was sent to an orphanage in Lucknow. Got enrolled in a government school to study there. I started studying here, but could not forget the old things. I felt suffocated inside. Used to cry often.

Sometimes I felt that I was the one to blame. My family fell apart because of me. Dada got jailed. My relatives also considered me guilty.

In this way, the days passed one by one. I reached eighth grade. Meanwhile, grandmother came to visit twice. He told me to withdraw the case, and release my grandfather from jail. We fall at your feet. When I refused her, she also tried to put pressure on me.

The principal of the school came to know about it. One day he called me and explained that I should not come under any kind of pressure. Don’t take back the case. In 2018, I was sent to Navjagruti Center from that orphanage. Here I was admitted to a co-ed school, where I studied in ninth and tenth.

Studying in a co-ed school was not easy for me. I used to hate boys, and was afraid. I could not talk to him. There used to be heads of my maths. He told the boys in the class about me and asked them to talk to him.

To be honest, that sir and the boys in the class helped me a lot. It was because of him that I could recover from that shock.

After that, I started living in the Red Brigade Center in Lucknow. Here I was made the coordinator of the school for small children. I am in 12th now. Along with my studies, I also teach small children. Food, drink and accommodation are all provided by the centre.

There is a lot of pressure on me from my grandmother and relatives to forgive my grandfather, but I will not. Till date, I have not recovered from that situation. Even today I mumble in my dreams. I start shouting Secondly if I forgive Dada, then what face will I show to other girls who are victims of such cruelty?

Don’t know where the father who gave birth is. I never met him, nor did he come to meet me. The one whom I considered my father, he doesn’t care about me anymore. Not even once did he think it necessary to ask what has happened to me, and why has it happened.

Where does it go that daughters are most safe with the mother, but I am afraid to go to the mother? Tomorrow that man also started misbehaving with me there, then what will I do? It is true that I have lost a lot, but I am relieved that at least I am safe.

Now I want to tell every girl that if someone says something, is insulted, society says wrong, taunts, and then opposes it. Make yourself strong to live in society.

Tanisha (name changed) has shared all these stories with reporter Manisha Bhalla.